“At this late date, it is your defenses not your wound, that cause the problem and arrest your journey.” — James Hollis
Very early on, I learned the meaning of dealing with defensive personalities. The matrix that is used by a plethora of individuals to hide their life wounds, becomes an on going manipulation of who they are and what they have become. When this infuses itself into the entire process of life, this affects not only the individual but those lives with whom they come in contact. Sometimes you are not aware that an individual or individuals are dealing with this issue, yet over a period of time through repeated instances be it through family, friends or loved ones there is no mistaking the obvious. Very often, this defensiveness is coupled with deep seeded anger, which rears it ugly countenance as well. Paraphrasing a quote from the Science of Mind . . . “The experience of life is governed by consciousness. It is not what happens to us; but the story we tell about what happens, and make no mistake, we create a story.”
Consciousness dictates recognition of this tangled web, and the dilemma becomes in the confrontation of the part we have played in the drama. Of course, you must understand that certain individuals fundamentally enjoy the drama, and wouldn’t know who they were without the constant fomenting. Recognition within one’s self of this issue is the first step and the most difficult, then the hard work begins and for each of us that takes different tactics and resolve. However, that leaves those other individuals with whom you come in contact, and in the basic sense unless and until consciousness reveals another choice, they will need to address that change with this quote by Byron Katie . . . “Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.”
Over the years I have heard many variables to this theme, unfortunately certain people don’t know, that they don’t know. When you are in the company of this truth, the best thing to do is step back, using patience, wisdom, understanding and kindness by just letting them be who they are in the moment. There is probably nothing you can do, say or project that will deter the closed thinking/consciousness that is the essence of who they are in their present awareness. In that moment, you have learned that they are the profound teacher in your consciousness-sphere, and release any further expectation. Earnest Hemingway once said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” In this instance, trusting that this individual in not ready, open or willing to acknowledge anything but the sound of their own voice, is a clue for you. Release your attitude of an outcome based in reality, and embrace an outcome of conscious awareness based in faith. Let go, and the rest will take care of itself. JLR